When Networking Goes Wrong

The story of two social media connections that took a turn for the worst.

As a business owner or professional, networking is crucial for growth and success.

But how do you tell if a new connection will be a beneficial and mutually supportive relationship versus a potentially harmful one?

Last year, I made two new connections on social media. For the sake of confidentiality, I’ll call them Opal and Jeremy.

Opal, Jeremy and I instantly hit it off. Finding that we had a lot in common, we began speaking regularly, co-working, trading resources and services, and hanging out together.

It was a networking match made in social media heaven.

Until it wasn't.

Opal

Opal was an amateur Human Design enthusiast and a project management specialist.

They wanted to learn more about Human Design and I wanted to learn more about the project management system they used, but neither of us was in the financial position to pay the other. So we decided to barter services for a few months.

Then Opal attempted to steal my intellectual property.

I’d created a 60+ page Human Design workbook called Decoding Your Design, but it wasn’t selling the way that I’d expected. Since Opal fit nicely into one of my ideal client personas, I shared the workbook with them for testing and feedback.

Imagine my shock when I received a video message from Opal, showing me how they were turning my workbook into a template to sell on their website without my knowledge or consent.

As if this weren’t enough, I received an email from Opal that was a case study of myself that I had neither approved nor given permission to share. This email contained personally identifying information and private details about my struggles as a business owner and my AuDHD journey that I had shared with Opal in confidence—things that I hadn’t even shared with my own audience.

I felt enraged.

I felt horrified.

I felt utterly and completely betrayed.

Needless to say, I cut ties with Opal immediately.

Jeremy

A digital marketer with a similarly traumatic childhood, Jeremy and I spoke the same language both personally and professionally.

We became extremely close extremely quickly. We would regularly co-work into the wee hours of the morning. We visited each other’s homes and got to know each other’s families. We even took a trip together as business besties.

But slowly, I began to realise that I was deeply uncomfortable with the lack of boundaries in our relationship. Jeremy had begun inviting himself to private get-togethers with my friends, asking prying questions about my relationship, and making what I felt were unreasonable demands of my time.

Looking back, I know this problem was entirely my fault—I had gotten so swept up in the potential of our professional relationship that I neglected to have the necessary conversations about boundaries.

So when I finally set a boundary with Jeremy, he blew up.

He spewed paragraph after paragraph of vitriol in messages, attempting to gaslight and guilt-trip. When that didn’t work, he left our group chat and blocked me. Later, he began stalking me and my business partner on Instagram and LinkedIn.

Even though it’s been almost a year since we last spoke, to this day, I still see his company name pop up under who’s viewed your profile.

Lessons Learned

Here’s what I learned from these two experiences:

1. Take things slow

When meeting new people online, it can feel like you’re meeting someone you already know. But remember that social media is a specialised curation of someone’s identity and likely doesn’t accurately reflect who that person really is.

Take your time to get to know the people with whom you’re interacting online before stepping into a deeper friendship.

2. Set boundaries upfront

All relationships need clearly communicated boundaries. Whether you’re trading services or meeting up to work together, it’s important to know the parameters of any new relationship.

It might feel uncomfortable to talk about your boundaries, especially if you’re not used to setting them, but it can save you a lot of headaches down the road.

3. Have written agreements

I didn’t have a written agreement with Opal—a mistake I will not be repeating.

Because we were bartering our services and there was no direct monetary exchange, I felt I didn’t need one. In reality, I should have treated Opal like any other client. Bartering involves exchanging value for value. It should be treated as a viable service option, just as if someone were paying money for your services. (P.S. there are bartering agreements for exactly this purpose).

4. Beware of love bombing

According to the Cleveland Clinic, love bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves a person going above and beyond for you in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them.

While love bombing is often talked about in the context of romantic relationships, professional love bombing can look like:

• Excessive flattery and praise.

• Over-sharing about how much they love you/your work.

• Giving you access to unneeded/unwanted gifts like products or services.

• Early and intense talks about future ventures or projects together.

While it’s wonderful to have supportive professional connections, this support is only healthy and useful if it’s genuine. And that kind of connection takes time to build.

What about you?

Have you ever had a networking connection go horribly wrong? Hit the comment button to share your story and the lessons you learned.

Until next time my chaos fairies and goblins!

xx Love,

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tay Francis (she/they) is a sociologist, researcher and trauma survivor whose passion is supporting marginalised populations and talking incessantly about hidden power dynamics. Tay lives at the intersections of social science, STEM and spirituality. She has a background in psychology, development studies and statistics, and 10 years of experience as a social impact researcher. She’s also a Human Design reader whose insights have appeared in publications such as Yahoo and Best Life Magazine. She writes from her Caribbean home, often during the witching hours, kept company by reruns of a Netflix reality show and her incredibly clingy cat, Princess Maggie.

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After being scammed, Erin and Tay are on a mission to expose shady practices in the unregulated online business space and help consumers learn who to trust with their money online. In this podcast you’ll hear: jaw-dropping stories from survivors who lost thousands to so-called #girlbosses; experts unpack narcissism, gaslighting, trauma buying and other harmful online business practices; and learn to recognize red flags—and green flags—when hiring online coaches, consultants, or service providers.